Let us say that a guy got drunk at a bar outside of Mobile, Alabama, got in a fight with some dudes about University of Alabama versus Ole Miss college football, and ended up shooting them dead in the parking lot.
Terrible, right? Stupid, violent, too many damn guns, shame, right?
Now imagine that some foreigners slapped a crappy pseudo-anthropological analysis on top, full of weird historical references, non-sequitur references to the church, and misguided assumptions about ethnicity.
It would look like this
Yet another massacre has occurred in the historically war-torn region of the Southern United States â€“ and so soon after the religious festival of Easter.
Brian McConkey, 27, a Christian fundamentalist militiaman living in the formerly occupied territory of Alabama, gunned down three men from an opposing tribe in the village square near Montgomery, the capitol, over a discussion that may have involved the rituals of the local football cult. In this region full of heavily-armed local warlords and radical Christian clerics, gun violence is part of the life of many.
Many of the militiamen here are ethnic Scots-Irish tribesmen, a famously indomitable mountain people who have killed civilized men â€“ and each other â€“ for centuries. It appears that the wars that started on the fields of Bannockburn and Stirling have come to America.
As the sun sets over the former Confederate States of America, one wonders â€“ can peace ever come to this land?