Category Archives: personal

Knife Fight

I use a knife at work and for months, I have used a Strider folding knife.  Strider makes knives for Seal Team 6 and they are really, really nice knives.  This one is smaller but still looks intimidating which isn’t the look I was going for. 

I found a Gerber Rip Stop knife and I decided to get it but Wendy said that the boys would want to get it for Father’s Day.  So instead of letting me have it, she got me a $3 knife from Wal-Mart.

I had it with me and never really used it until one day it wouldn’t even cut through tape.  It was that bad.  Mark found out and starts to re-inact a potential 911 call.

Mark: Help, I am being attacked by my knife wielding lunatic father.

Operator: Are you hurt?

Mark: Well kind of.  He has jabbed me several times and I am starting to get a rash.

Operator: I hasn’t broken the skin?

Mark: No but a couple more days of this and I could get a callous or something.  Maybe a minor infection.

Operator: All the police are busy but I can send a dermatologist early next week….

The knife was that bad.   So finally I get the Gerber Ripstop and the first thing I test is that it can cut Scotch tape.  So at least I am making progress.  It also doesn’t look intimidating  So we are winning in that way as well.

Father’s Day

It was a weird day around here today.  Wendy’s father is dying of cancer.  While they used to be close, he has been horrible to her from the night she told him that she had been molested as a child.  He changed that night and has been horrible to her ever since.

In hindsight if he had said to her that he never wanted to ever talk to her and owned that, it would have been easier but no, her mom has tried to work things out while at the same time blaming Wendy ever since then.  With him dying he wanted to see Wendy (just Wendy, not Mark and Oliver) one last time.  Wendy said no and he kind of burnt every bridge remaining.  Well not that there were not burnt bridges left but he knocked over the piers as well.

It’s really tough on her.  They used to be close.  She thought of him as a friend.  Over the years her mother has been clueless on everything while at least her dad understood some of what she was going through, he would then be cruel while fully understanding what he was doing.  In many ways he hurt her more than the people who molested her did.

So every Father’s Day I get the full brunt of all of that emotion and anger that Wendy feels towards her father.  It just spills out.  Today was no exception except that it had all of the emotion of her being upset that I was sick as well.

Today I had big plans.  The infection in my leg plays havoc on my blood sugar levels.  That makes me really tired so the plan was to go to bed early last night and sleep in today.  However everyone was upset at that plan and was somehow mad that I went to bed early (except the dog) and early this morning they were upset that I was still sleeping.  That was the start of my day.

Another transition in the house is that I am no longer making everyone get ready.  I am frustrated with having to get Wendy and Mark moving out the door every time that I have calmly told them that I am going to give them an itinerary and if they aren’t going to be ready to leave on time, I will leave them behind.

So Friday I let them know that I had tickets to the Saskatoon Valkyries game and that I would leave for Gordie Howe Bowl at 12:30p.  No one was even close to ready.  So I left without them.  That upset everyone even more and made them even more emotional and upset.

I come home and lay down because the last thing I should have done is sit on a bleacher and watch a football game today and waited until my foot had returned to normal.  Again, that caused more anxiety because I wasn’t having fun. 

This kind of anxiety just freezes Wendy and Mark.   Wendy doesn’t know what to do and just introverts everything until she explodes.  Mark is processing this too and doesn’t know what to do. 

So finally I send all three of them out of the house to go for dinner.  The silence was awesome and I got some reading and writing done.

In some ways it is easy for me to deal with things because I have been down this road before with my mom and I know whatever happens, happens.  The doctors will make emergency referrals and do emergency tests and then two months later I will see the specialist I should have seen a month ago.  It’s the Saskatchewan way.  You may die because of how slow our system is but you won’t have to pay for it (somewhere right now Brad Wall is preparing a bar graph that shows less people dying or losing their legs while on a waiting list then under the NDP).

In Wendy’s defense, she had good care when she was really sick.  She has sat there while angry nurses have gotten angry at me because tests haven’t been done yet and have had them say, “Doesn’t anyone realize how serious this is?”  Last time I said, “think of the greater good.”  It didn’t go over well.

In the end, Father’s Day is a difficult day for Wendy.  That makes it a confusing day every year for the boys. 

One of these years we will have a nice Father’s Day.

Grey Owl’s Cabin

Well this sucks.

Six months ago I booked off some time to go to Grey Owl’s Cabin this weekend with Mark and Wendy.  We had bought new backpacks, a lot of gear, and we were ready to go.

On Friday I went in for my wound treatment and had the last conversation with a doctor about my leg.  The infection which they can’t kill has spread to my bone and bone marrow.  Not only that but looks increasingly like it is MRSA.

I knew things were messed up and I know that I am looking at some surgeries and a painful process ahead which is why I decided to do this now and not later.  There may not be a later (or at least a later with two feet).

So as much as it hurt me to do this, I agreed to not go on the trip.  Deep down I thought I could have done it but being 20km from no where with a serious inflection in my foot, ankle, and leg was not wide.   There are some treatments that they can do in the meantime and hopefully that makes a difference.  To be honest, the infection has been taking a toll on my entire body.

We are going to try again on August 21st and 22nd and do it over two nights and take Oliver this time.  We will break it into two night and instead of three.

So we unpacked three backpacks tonight and I realized that a long road ahead for my foot keeps getting even longer.

The Good News and the Bad News

The good news is that doctors are somewhat closer to finding out what is wrong with me.

Last night the infection and swelling had made it’s way out of my foot, up my ankle, past my calf, and now into my knee.

I am off to a vascular surgeon as the feeling is that I need a vascular by-pass surgery on my leg.   Of course they just did some tests that suggested I don’t need vascular surgery.  It kind of feels like a line out of City Slickers.  “I don’t know where we are going but we are making good time.”

So until then I am on another anti-biotic (actually it’s one that didn’t get the job done before) and I find myself on another waiting list.

I get asked if the process makes me angry.  I don’t know about angry but it makes me anxious.  The not knowing what is wrong with me causes me to feel some anxiety.  Since anxiety is a feeling, I never know what to do with it.

If the news was bad, then I would just face it but the entire, “I think it is this” “No, I think it is that” keeps me awake at night.  Well I don’t know if it is that or the pain but something is keeping me awake at night.  It also makes it hard to figure out what to do.  Do I cancel the hike to Grey Owl’s?  Do we cancel our vacation to Calgary?

Anyways, it isn’t something that I factored into this summer.

So this was unexpected

If you remember, last winter I got really sick with a chest infection and flu.  I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t do anything.  Even writing my weekly column or appearing on The Saskatoon Afternoon Show was exhausting.    Shortly before this, my doctor just quit his practice and disappeared without anyone from his practice telling me. I was left without a family doctor (he wasn’t that great) so I went into a walk in clinic and saw someone who prescribed me some serious medication (that would come back and haunt me later).  On the same day I went into the doctor, I noticed my foot was badly infected.  The doctor assured me that the anti-biotic that she was giving me for my chest would kill that as well and as far as I realized, it had.

I eventually got better in early January but in late January I was out and slipped on some ice and really hurt the ankle.  It swelled up and has bothered me for months.  I have badly sprained things before and never thought that much about it.  A doctor looked at it and thought it was tendonitis which seemed to make sense to me. 

The swelling continued and got worse for weeks.  It would go down at night and return in the morning.  During that time I was having some of the worst fevers and chills that I have ever had.  I would get some cold that I would violently shake for hours at night and then get so hot as I would be burning up.  My night table still has gloves and toque in it when I would be trying to get warm.  Wendy thought it was something more serious but I just shrugged it off as a flu.

It wasn’t.  I woke up one morning to large ulcer on the bottom of my foot one morning. It was almost an inch deep.  I had no idea how long it was there but there was a trail of blood that followed me from the bed to the tub.  Long time readers of the blog know that I suffer from neuropathy quite badly.  When your feet always hurt, you tend to ignore the pain to cope.  Excruciating pain in my feet is the norm, not the exception but I knew right away I was in deep trouble.

My mother lost her right left to an ulcer just like this.  It took years but the ulcer won.  Here I was without a family doctor, type II diabetic, and freaking inch deep bleeding ulcer on my foot. 

So I went back to the walk in clinic.  I got lectured by the doctor over not having a family doctor.  I snapped back for him to recommend me one because the web thinks that many of them are quacks.  He looked at the list and said, “I wouldn’t recommend any of these to you.”  I know, I had been phoning and searching for months.  It’s hard to find a good doctor.  I have horror stories of being the only one in a waiting room but still being left for an hour.   Another one couldn’t remember basic things about me despite reading my chart in front of me.

The walk in clinic doctor referred me to the wound clinic at City Hospital.  I would start to go down there regularly were they would dress my would and tell me to come back in a couple of days.  I would be back with a different dressing.  Since I shower every day of my life and the dressing needs to be dry, I kind of would dress it again myself.  For all of the areas in my life where I am incompetent, this is the one thing I do quite well. 

Since then, they have done some circulation tests and a lot of treatments on the wound.  It is slowly healing but the foot was still infected.

During this I finally found a good family doctor.  The web likes him.  The nurses that I see almost all of the time all approve of him and he has updated magazines in his examination rooms.  He has put me one some extremely powerful antibiotics.  They were so powerful the pharmacist that we go and see was uncomfortable with them.  The good news is that they seem to be working.  I can see my ankle and foot tonight.  This is a big deal.

The bad news is that they make me really sick.  I am taking pro-biotics to counter the negative effects of the anti-biotics but the reality is that the rest of my body is hating these things as much as the infection in my foot is.  Another 12 days of this round of anti-biotics and then the hope is the diminished swelling the lack of infection in my foot will lead to some healing.

And some sleeping in.  I am back at City Hospital early tomorrow morning.  Hopefully things keep healing.  It has almost been six months of this and I am getting tired of it.