It was a weird day around here today. Wendy’s father is dying of cancer. While they used to be close, he has been horrible to her from the night she told him that she had been molested as a child. He changed that night and has been horrible to her ever since.
In hindsight if he had said to her that he never wanted to ever talk to her and owned that, it would have been easier but no, her mom has tried to work things out while at the same time blaming Wendy ever since then. With him dying he wanted to see Wendy (just Wendy, not Mark and Oliver) one last time. Wendy said no and he kind of burnt every bridge remaining. Well not that there were not burnt bridges left but he knocked over the piers as well.
It’s really tough on her. They used to be close. She thought of him as a friend. Over the years her mother has been clueless on everything while at least her dad understood some of what she was going through, he would then be cruel while fully understanding what he was doing. In many ways he hurt her more than the people who molested her did.
So every Father’s Day I get the full brunt of all of that emotion and anger that Wendy feels towards her father. It just spills out. Today was no exception except that it had all of the emotion of her being upset that I was sick as well.
Today I had big plans. The infection in my leg plays havoc on my blood sugar levels. That makes me really tired so the plan was to go to bed early last night and sleep in today. However everyone was upset at that plan and was somehow mad that I went to bed early (except the dog) and early this morning they were upset that I was still sleeping. That was the start of my day.
Another transition in the house is that I am no longer making everyone get ready. I am frustrated with having to get Wendy and Mark moving out the door every time that I have calmly told them that I am going to give them an itinerary and if they aren’t going to be ready to leave on time, I will leave them behind.
So Friday I let them know that I had tickets to the Saskatoon Valkyries game and that I would leave for Gordie Howe Bowl at 12:30p. No one was even close to ready. So I left without them. That upset everyone even more and made them even more emotional and upset.
I come home and lay down because the last thing I should have done is sit on a bleacher and watch a football game today and waited until my foot had returned to normal. Again, that caused more anxiety because I wasn’t having fun.
This kind of anxiety just freezes Wendy and Mark. Wendy doesn’t know what to do and just introverts everything until she explodes. Mark is processing this too and doesn’t know what to do.
So finally I send all three of them out of the house to go for dinner. The silence was awesome and I got some reading and writing done.
In some ways it is easy for me to deal with things because I have been down this road before with my mom and I know whatever happens, happens. The doctors will make emergency referrals and do emergency tests and then two months later I will see the specialist I should have seen a month ago. It’s the Saskatchewan way. You may die because of how slow our system is but you won’t have to pay for it (somewhere right now Brad Wall is preparing a bar graph that shows less people dying or losing their legs while on a waiting list then under the NDP).
In Wendy’s defense, she had good care when she was really sick. She has sat there while angry nurses have gotten angry at me because tests haven’t been done yet and have had them say, “Doesn’t anyone realize how serious this is?” Last time I said, “think of the greater good.” It didn’t go over well.
In the end, Father’s Day is a difficult day for Wendy. That makes it a confusing day every year for the boys.
One of these years we will have a nice Father’s Day.