I have a staff member who is off in Israel for a couple of weeks and instead of replacing him, we decided to give him a leave on the condition he brings us back all authentic relics. It means that I was covering some of his shifts. Saturday morning around 4:00 a.m. I was chilling out and doing some stats for the Centre when I felt some incredible pain in my chest. Having been down this road before I was a little concerned but expected it to pass. It didn’t and I actually thought about calling 911 but I decided against it in the end and I was okay.
I took last night off but my brother moved out this weekend. To move some sofa’s I borrowed a vehicle from the Centre for a couple of minutes. The act of driving down and across the city was tiring for me. The doctor says that it is stress and fatigue but it is getting serious and my heart is showing some duress. This isn’t a new thing but as Saturday night showed, it is getting a bit worse.
I knew the stress was starting to take a toll. I haven’t slept well for months. I don’t know why this bothered me so much but I haven’t slept well since the night before he died. A couple of weeks ago I started talking with a therapist over my lack of sleep and we came to the conclusion that I have abandoned almost all of the things that give me peace and relaxation over the last several years. I don’t feel upset over things but I have noticed I don’t relax anymore which is odd because I used to be able to do nothing with the best of them.
The neuropathy has impacted my balance (my reflexes are non existent in my knees now) and instead of working through it I have just stopped doing stuff. The dog gave me a nice NBA basketball this year for my birthday and despite living right beside a school yard, I haven’t heaved up a single air ball all summer. Golf causes extreme pain to my hands and I have lost enough balance where biking and things like basketball are not natural. I know some of that will and can come back but part of me is frustrated over having to learn how to ride a bike well again.
I am at that point where I don’t have a lot of choice. If I want to achieve some of the things that matter to me, I need to pay attention to these short term warning signs and maybe find some things that give me some joy again.
I am off to the cabin for most of the week and am coming back to take the crew to the Saskatoon Ex. I am hoping that makes a difference and I have a couple of doctor’s appointments on Friday. Then I should know if I am scheduled for some more time off.
I just got back from a family reunion with all of my aunts and uncles and nearly all of them had sleep apnea machines. It really freaked me out, and then I read this article and am seriously thinking about getting tested:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/08/01/healing.sleep.ap/index.html
I don’t think it is sleep apnea, just too much stress for me. I think I would be thrilled if there was a medical reason for the lack of sleep.
I’d watch those graveyard shifts – that’s a real killer of your immune system. Instead, have the swing shift guy stay 4 hours later, and the day guy come in 4 hours early?
Your family is just too important to leave in the lurch. Slow down. Take a long series of deep breaths. Just be with them and yourself for a bit. No matter how frantically you work to make a difference, all the problems of the world are bigger than you so don’t take on more than you can handle. So get out to the wilderness and rest already.