Archives for December, 2004

Forgiveness and Reconcilliation

My friend Scott has a good post on forgiveness. As in another seven hours, 2004 will be put to rest, I was thinking of all of some of the things in 2004 that caused me some pain and anguish and putting those to rest as well.

I think that part of our problem with forgiveness is that we have a perverted idea of what forgiveness is. So many people I talk too, equate forgiveness with reconcilliation and forgiveness with a blank slate of the past. It isn’t.

Scott talks of a single mom and her anger at her ex-husband. Forgiveness does not mean that her relationship with him is going to be rosy. There is a lot of pain involved in a marital split. Pain that takes time to heal and reconcilliation is a two person job. By making it up to the person who was hurt, we make victims of the person all over again by saying that they should not have been hurt by what happened. Basically it is of little significance what has happened and they “should be able to get over it”. We decide what their pain is and we don’t like to think of ourselves inflicting pain on anyone. It goes back to the school yard. A child is hurt playing soccer and the kid that kicked him wants to hear more than anything else, “It wasn’t that bad, I’m alright” and when it isn’t said, the person who kicked them rationalizes and says, “It wasn’t that bad, he or she will be okay.” Parents who get divorced say it all of the time even in the face of overwhelming studies to the otherwise about the impact of divorce on children. “The kids will be okay” as if just by saying those words will change anything. I remember hearing that from many a Cooper after my father walked. “It isn’t about you”. Yeah, that makes it all better.

Forgiveness is not saying I wasn’t hurt, I wasn’t angry, and that I don’t have scars. It is saying what Scott is saying, “I am not going to let this pain dominate my life anymore” and I am going to let the anger go. Does that fix the relationship or erase the past? Let’s tackle the past first. The book that taught me how much pain and traumatic events are sealed into our brain is Steven Johnson’s book, Mind Wide Open. In it he talks about certain events are sealed away in our brain as part of the brain’s way of protecting us. People who have been bitten by a snake are afraid of garden hoses at first glance. Why? Because the brain knows that one time when something that looked like a garden hose almost killed it and it is trying to preserve itself a little longer. Same with why we hear stories of war veterans hitting the ground when they hear a car backfiring. The brain saves itself first and asks questions later. A lot of those traumatic events are sealed away pretty deeply and they do motivate a lot of our actions as humans, even if they are not as traumatic as being bitten by a snake or being shot at (my friend Jaqui Acree has a friend who has a fear of the color yellow and I have a horrible fear of birds and especially chickens). Much of my life is shaped by past, the good and the horrible. The decision and I think this is where forgiveness comes in, is will I let it decide my direction in life or will I fight against my past and make my own path. Forgiveness is the decision to make your own path, even if it is a lot harder than being drifting in the direction that you were headed. Being defined by anger and pain is easy. Anyone can be angry and hateful. Leaving that behind is a lot harder.

It doesn’t mean ignoring the path that I have been on. It doesn’t mean that I am not scarred and I need to forget the path of the past. It does mean that I am not going to let the people who cut me open, decide where I will walk today and tomorrow. Instead of being a victim of the pain, it is the process of overcoming the past and starting to heal. Forgiveness is the process of leaving the past behind and taking back your life from the people that have done you wrong. Harder than being angry and bitter but it offers the promise of a better tomorrow.

Forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconcilliation. There are people in my life that hate Wendy and I. Even though we have forgiven them, they still hate us and wish to do us harm which makes it hard to hang out and have a relationship. When they move past that hatred, perhaps a process of reconcilliation can happen but it doesn’t mean that I can’t forgive them for what has happened. It’s a process but much of life is. And it will continue through 2005.

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12/31/2004 | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Contextless New Year’s Eve Links

12/31/2004 | Contextless Links | No Comments

Frozen branch in Mission, British Columbia

Frozen branch in Mission, British Columbia
Originally uploaded by Jordon.

My Photo Friday submission for December 31st. The theme is your favorite picture of the year.

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12/31/2004 | Uncategorized | No Comments

Contextless Links

12/30/2004 | Contextless Links | No Comments

My Ten Favorite Pictures of 2004

After taking about a thousand different pictures over the last year and uploading many of them to Flickr, I decided to wade through my pictures tagged with 2004 and pick out my 10 favorites and create another year end list (slideshow). Another list coming your way tomorrow.

  1. 747 Parked at Denver International Airport :: Until then I had never seen a 747 up close. Very impressive.
  2. John Wayne International Airport in Anaheim :: Killing some time after I missed my flight after probably the most inefficient security screening line I had ever seen.
  3. Elf Mark :: He has his mother’s fashion sense.
  4. Wendy :: Beautiful in real life and on camera.
  5. Frozen crucifix :: Scott Williams took me a monastic cemetary in Mission. The grave marker is of a prominent Roman Catholic in the community.
  6. Asleep in the Calgary International Airport :: I have no idea who this guy is but he dozed off in the seat beside me.
  7. Broadway Theatre Blues
  8. Mark at Kiwannis Park
  9. Eating McDonald’s in LAX :: Another stranger, another airport.
  10. Ice storm in Mission, British Columbia :: Taken in a park overlooking the Fraser Valley in Mission, B.C.

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12/29/2004 | photography | No Comments

Contextless Links

12/29/2004 | Contextless Links | No Comments

Projection of the tsunami’s genesis

UNESCO has posted a projection of the tsunami’s genesis. It’s animation and speculative and quite chilling. Here it is. via

Some relief agencies that you can plug into via Blogs Canada:The South-East Asia Earthquake and Tsunami

  • Canadian Red Cross, at 1-800-418-1111

  • World Vision, at 1-800-268-5528

  • UNICEF Canada, at 1-877-955-3111

  • Canadian Catholic Organization for Development and Peace, at 1-888-664-3387

  • Oxfam Canada, at 1-800-466-9326.

  • CIDA (Canadian International Development Agency)

  • The Salvation Army

  • The Canadian Department of Foreign Affairs hotline for families: 1-800-387-3124

12/29/2004 | Uncategorized | No Comments

Torontoist

My favorite weblog in the world has come to Canada. How nice is that? Welcome to the Torontoist.

12/29/2004 | Uncategorized | No Comments

Top Ten Books of 2004

In keeping with past year’s tradition, here are my favorite books that I read last year. No particular order and I liked them all. I could have added a lot of other books but you have to know where to draw the line and I draw it at ten.

  1. The Genesee Diary by Henri Nouwen :: I read this while transitioning into bi-vocational ministry and the book was a tremendous help to me during this change in my life. It was written during a transition in Nouwen’s life. The funny thing about the book is that I think if it was written today, it would be a blog.
  2. Moneyball by Michael Lewis :: A look at how the Oakland Athletics are good year in and year out despite having one of the lowest payrolls in Major League Baseball. A funny look at how a low budget major league operates behind the scenes.
  3. Out of the Question…Into the Mystery by Leonard Sweet :: Sweet makes a passionate argument that the church needs to focus a lot more on our raltionships with each other and the world around us instead of insisting that we are right all of the time. The best book I think that Len Sweet have ever written.
  4. The Present Future: Six Tough Questions for the Church by Reggie McNeal :: One of the better books looking at the state of the church in North America. Not only are there different answers, McNeal calls us to ask some much different questions.
  5. A Generous Orthodoxy: Why I Am a Missional, Evangelical, Post/Protestant, Liberal/Conservative, Mystical/Poetic, Biblical, Charismatic/Contemplative, Fundamentalist/Calvinist, Anabaptist/Anglican, Methodist, Catholic, Green, Incarnational, Depressed-yet-Hopeful, Emergent, Unfinished CHRISTIAN by Brian McLaren :: Supposedly controversial but in the end the book reflects an emerging theology that many of us hold.
  6. Shake Hands with the Devil by Romeo Dallaire :: The book disturbed me and shook my faith in humanity, the United Nations, and especially the west. It is not the best written book that I have ever read but the story is one that every needs to read.
  7. A Theory of Everything : An Integral Vision for Business, Politics, Science and Spirituality by Ken Wilbur
  8. A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson :: A science book that is not written what the author knows but rather what he doesn’t know and how he figured some of it out.
  9. No Future Without Forgiveness by Archbishop Desmond Tutu :: Wendy gave this to me for Christmas and I read it the other night. A look back that the political, ethical, and theological decisions that went into the Truth and Reconncilliation Commission that came after the fall of Apartheid in South Africa.
  10. The Wisdom of Crowds: Why the Many Are Smarter Than the Few and How Collective Wisdom Shapes Business, Economies, Societies and Nations by James Surowiecki :: This book blew me away in the sense that it shows how much about what is taught about leadership in most context (including the church) and how it is simply wrong.

The comments are open. Feel free to leave your favorites below.

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12/28/2004 | sports, theology | 8 Comments

Contextless Links

12/28/2004 | Contextless Links | No Comments

Stalingrad

Watched Enemy at the Gates with Wendy tonight on the History Channel. The movie takes place during the Battle of Stalingrad, during the Second World War. The movie revolves around Russian sniper, Vasily Grigoryevich Zaitsev. Horrifying stuff although reading the Wikipedia movie about Zaitsev did ruin the ending of the movie for me. Lousy wifi.

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12/27/2004 | Uncategorized | No Comments

Contextless Links

12/27/2004 | Contextless Links, Saskatoon | No Comments

Contextless Boxing Day Links

12/26/2004 | Contextless Links | No Comments

Christmas Day Recap

Hope everyone had a great Christmas Day. Ours was quiet. We woke up around 8 and opened our gifts and stockings. Wendy and Mark gave me two books, Heretic Blood, a book about Thomas Merton and Archbishop Desmond Tutu’s book, No Future Without Forgiveness. The Rainbow Six game by Tom Clancy, and some CD-R’s to keep my photographs backed up along with a wide variety of stocking stuffers and food. Some people from the church gave Wendy, Mark, a I some wonderful gifts as well.

I gave Mark a toy aircraft carrier and some hockey nets. Wendy got him a collection of Robert Munsch books called Munsch More. I had never heard of Robert Munsch until the Reimer’s gave Mark this book last year. After wiping the tears from my eyes I became a fan of his books.

Mark and I gave Wendy a new watch, a hoodie, a ceramic village piece, Anita Baker CD, tea kettle (to replace the one I melted a couple weeks ago), and a loose tea maker.

After opening our gifts and watching a horribly done Disney’s Christmas Parade (all traditions have to come to an end and Disney may have killed this for us), we headed to the Reimers to eat, exchange gifts, and watch Canada beat Slovakia in the World Junior Hockey Championships (a wonderful Canadian tradition.

Today I had coffee with a recovering Leighton who managed to be attacked by the flu over Christmas. He has battled back admirally and looked no worse for wear. We exchanged gifts, complained about churches not having websites and told stories of our worst tobogganing accidents ever. Made me want to take Mark to the nastiest hill I could find so he would have his own stories. Saskatoon has a couple big hill that turn to ice with use. Going down and trying to find your footing to get back up the hill is an adventure both ways.

Am spending tonight with Mark and Wendy. Relaxing, watching some television, and goofing off. Happy Boxing Day

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12/26/2004 | Saskatoon | 5 Comments

Snow Day

It’s a snow day for me today. The roads to Spiritwood were quite icey on Christmas Eve and last night a couple people phoned to tell me that I shouldn’t drive today on that highway with even more snow falling. The good news is that Briarcrest’s Colleen Taylor will be speaking but the bad news is that I would have really liked to hear her talk and am stuck in Saskatoon.

I just went looking online for websites for a couple of churches that I would like to check out today to see if they have services today but no websites. Rather frustrating. Will have to check them out the old way… driving by and seeing if I see people walking in.

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12/26/2004 | Saskatoon | No Comments

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